Back to work

Going back to work after two pregnancies is hard. You basically don’t know who you are any more. People say they understand “how difficult it is” but they don’t. Nobody does. Who I used to be two kids ago? Where does “mommy” end and where does “myself” start? Who/what do I refer to when I say “myself”?

Who am I if I exclude the “mommy” part?

Mother guilt is real and is eating me from the inside. Kevin goes to preschool now and he suffers every morning. Is this how it’s supposed to be? Is he even happy there? Is my role to push him face the real world or to keep him here with me with snuggles and kisses and love? But until when? 5 years old? How am I supposed to do that if I work? How many nannies will I need?

“Why do you work mommy” he asks. That’s a great question. And here’s a possible answer. “Because I want to”.

Self-doubt has been my new favorite topic lately. Here’s a list of things that I doubt myself about:

• Work
• Motherhood
• Being a partner
• Taking care of myself

It’s funny. Even for this list I put myself in the last place.

Guilt

Self-doubt.

Vicious circle.

Good morning everyone 😊